Choked

Feet fall as petals sway,
Notes tinkle; a piano plays.
Lie while muscles tension
And the sound of music
Sings through the strain.
Touching, moulding, ears are feeling out
But my throat is tight and the words aren’t right;
The blockage is in my head.

When are we sick, resting, sleeping, to keep from falling apart.
When do we know, that the pains the end of it all,
That the one has come to remove this grave,
The grave we all fear, the one for which we long.

The screen flickers in the dim light
The sound echoes in the hall
We scream no words,
Yet confess our faults.

Fingers clutch as curtains fall,
People cry; wordless howl.
Run to keep it all at bay
And end up nowhere,
But far, far away.
Crouching, holding, we’re all crying out.
But my throat is tight and the words aren’t right;
The blockage is in my heart.

When are we sick, resting, sleeping, to keep from falling apart.
When do we know, that the pains the end of it all,
That the one has come to remove this grave,
The grave we all fear, the one for which we long.

Feet fall as petals sway,
Notes tinkle; a piano plays.
But my throat is tight and the words aren’t right;
I scream two words:
Forgive me.

Addiction

I was obsessed with facades;
I was addicted to looks,
But God was in my heart.

I saw beneath the surface,
And was captivated,
By what it was I saw inside.

I was infatuated with
The personality of a girl,
And I saw what beauty she had.

I saw a man whose
Jokes made me laugh,
And I saw what beauty he had.

I saw a friend who
Fought through pain
And I knew she had beauty.

Caught by their beauty,
I knew I loved them all,
But they didn’t quite fit

The hole that I had;
The reason I was so easily
Addicted to their charm.

Then I met you. And inside
I saw beauty, personality,
An intelligence, a strength.

I couldn’t place it,
You differed in your drive,
Your drive in life.

But your difference is
In your heart.
A beautiful heart.

A heart for God.

Mistakes and Sin

Can a mistake be just a mistake and not sinful?
What is the definition of a mistake? What is the definition of a sin?
Mistake: didn’t mean for it to happen. Unexpected, or unwanted consequences. Unforseen circumstances. Thinking you’re correct or truthful when you are in fact not.
Sin: God didn’t mean for it to happen. Unwanted consequences; foreseen by God ignored by us. We blame our circumstances but it is in fact our nature. Thinking that we know what is better, more correct than God.

They’re my quick definitions of sin and mistakes. Trying to catch a ball but missing it is a mistake, but not a sin. Or is it an accident? People will do something on purpose, knowing the consequences but thinking they will cope, yet people still tell them "you’re making a big mistake". Do they do it because they don’t have a complete understanding, although they think they do? Does it then have unexpected consequences? And is it a mistake?

Yet God sometimes commands us to act, and that action may have unforeseen consequences and hardships, yet it certainly isn’t a mistake (or a sin (obviously)).
We may try to go our own way but fail, God pulls us back, but is that a mistake?

I’m not answering questions, but am rather trying to put order to thoughts…
I might think about this more but for now this is a good start.

Too Hot

Heat, melts my mind;
I begin to puddle on the floor.
No decisions today,
Not that there were
Any yesterday, and I doubt there
Will be any tomorrow.
As the heat keeps rising
So does my impatience,
Small things grow large
Feeding off the energy.

Cool temperament where are you?
This hot head has returned
And it’s dominating me.
When the red comes in,
Everything whites out
And my memory is blank
Of what I do in the heat.

Sweat: friend one moment,
Enemy the next; cool relief
In the breeze, a heavy weight
In the humid stuffed houses.

Heat: drives away words,
Thoughts, and

Poetry.